Nikurai recounted how her mum told her she was raped allegedly by her father on the eve of their wedding. She said her mum opened up to her after she asked why she failed to smile in all their wedding photos. Nikurai stated that her mum was subjected to so much beating, even while she was pregnant, and even lost a baby after one of the beating episodes.
She said her mother who is the first female lecturer from her local government and one of the first five female theologians in Nigeria, has allegedly suffered so much in the hands of her father and that she wants to help her.
NO, I DO NOT HAVE HER BLESSING OR PERMISSION TO POST IT AND I HOPE SHE CAN FORGIVE ME EVENTUALLY.
I was raised in a missionary – Christian community in the beautiful city of Jos Plateau State, only girl with 3 brothers, to a chartered accountant dad(was working with Jos steel rolling mills and part time lecturing cost accounting) and theologian lecturer mom who is currently eyeing her professorship. The woman too like book lol. Even with her hearing disability due to medical misconduct when she was in secondary school which caused an infection in her ears that took her hearing she was determined, she couldn’t fail especially being that the odds aren’t in her favor. You see, girl child education hasn’t and still isn’t a priority in our society and the fact her father, put his foot down so all his girls got all the education they wanted, she wasn’t going to disappoint him. She went on to be the first female to get a higher education, masters, PhD and now going for her professorship in the entire bokkos LGA. She was established, had her own job and the job came with a house too so she was living a baby girl life and about 2 or so years later she got married.
Growing up we didn’t have plenty – or so it seemed but our doors were always opened to come share with us so on an average we had nothing less than 14-20 people under our 3 bedroom roof at every given time. My mom will break her last bread even if it meant us her kids sacrificing because in her words “if I don’t give them, no one else will please bear with me my children” she’d always calls us aside to pacify us. I never understood why till now or at least when I grew up, but then in my head I was like yeah this woman don’t love me. I was so close to my dad, I’d literally sit at his feet all the time like an obsessed groupie playing with the veins on his feet and hands and I’d always pray mine become like his when I grew up, I even slept in their bed with them. So each time I was upset with how mom would in my head “help the needy”, I reported her to dad who gave me all the meat in his plate and everything would be alright…
Not until sometime 2008 I think, right after my highschool my dad had a stroke, oh we thought we were going to lose him. My mom who was just about going for her PHD in ogbomoso had to put on hold to take care of her sick husband who nobody thought he’d make it out alive but that woman nursed him to life. I remember she wouldn’t allow me specifically go see him in that state, because she knew how close I was to him and would have devastated me completely, she didn’t want more casualties I suppose so I waited for him to get home. It took weeks but he finally made it back home and that was my awakening.
STAY WITH ME, I’M GETTING THERE…
Mom had asked us to prepare her library and put a bed in there where she moved into when they returned from the hospital and my dad was alone in the room they once shared. Then next day mom took me and my brothers to the hospital for a “routine check” we never had before . Then endless family meetings.
You see, my family had our ups and downs with a steady dose of beating to pulp of my mom by my dad. Sometimes he’d even use fan belt, break hoes on her body, beat her with cutlasses, his belt, wooden spoon you name it. My father was also a farmer so we had lots of farming tools around the house at his disposal. My earliest memory of witnessing this was one time someone brought pork for my mom – and somehow my dad(who doesn’t eat pork) ate out of it, mom coming into the room with me(i only had two brothers at this point) realizing that, immediately told him to spit it out as it is pork and she knows he doesn’t eat it, next I saw was one heavy blow landing on my mother’s stomach, and then the kicks and beatings ensued, then he stormed out the room leaving her on the ground there wailing, she ended in the hospital and many years later I found she actually had a miscarriage, one of about 7 or 8. My eldest brother says his earliest memory was when he was just a little over 1yr old, it was dark outside and dad was beating mom senseless per usual and the poor baby unable to rescue his mother ran out on the streets crying for help from passerbys he pulled back to the house to go save her.
You remember how she already had her job and house? Yes, it was under her own roof he did that to her. Mr Apollos Maton has never paid rent, light bill, water bill, medical bill since he married my mom, because before her salary reaches her account, all these bills were deducted. So you’ll think he’ll handle our fees yeah he still made her go 50/50 with him and when she doesn’t, our fees won’t be paid completely. Where did all his money? To this day nobody knows because even the food we ate my mother had to provide. At best he’ll buy a bag of rice, meat, all the small small things 1ce yearly and that is all you’d expect or get, as we grew older we had to beg and my mom had to “act right” before he even brought that once a year food. Remember the number of mouths that had to be fed daily(14-20) most of which were children of his own relatives. I have no recollection of Mr Apollos ever buying me cloths except that one time I was part of a drama in school and I needed to bring a wrapper, but mom couldn’t give me hers as she barely even had enough that aren’t torn and worn out so he was forced to go get me that. This is a woman that her lowest grades of wrappers before she got married were Hollands and George now all she could afford were “bambalasta”. Did I mention when I got admission into Unijos, my first tuition was N36,000(one of his brothers paid), 2nd year N28,000, Mr Apollos gave me N10,000and said I should go and meet my boyfriend to pay the rest. I was 18yrs old little wonder how the events unfolded there after because that will be the theme going forward “go and ask your boyfriend”. The favorite anthem when we kids went to our ‘father’ with our needs was “go and meet your mother”.
Mom’s first abuse in the hands of Mr Apollos Maton was the eve of her wedding where apparently one of his younger brothers told him and I’m paraphrasing “wo tomorrow is your wedding technically, you’re husband and wife already go and have sex with her”, he tried but she turned him down so he raped her. She told me this after I had asked her why she didn’t smile in 90% her wedding pictures. I was mortified and I asked why she went ahead with the wedding her response “nobody would’ve married me and it would’ve brought shame to my father’s house”. We wept together and she opened up to me.
Oh the abuse were horrific and diabolical to say the least and this is a man who’ll quote the bible better than her the theologian. One time after his stroke and all of us kids seeing him as he truly is was attacking our mom with a machete in broad daylight, someone who could even barely walk and we all stood up to protect her, our eldest brother over powered him and locked him in a room where he started screaming at the top of his lungs saying our brother is trying to kill him, neighbors hearing this came and broke down the front door, news spread and soon after one of Mr Apollos Maton’s sister came with the police to come and arrest my brother… same sister who sat through one beating he was giving my mom. So it is ’88, mom is pregnant again with what was supposed to be her second child. Whatever this beating was about, my aunt(mom sister) said he locked my mom and himself in their bedroom and all my aunt could hear from the living room were sounds of beating and her pregnant sister in agony. Fun fact, his sister that brought the police to arrest my brother was sitting in the living room with her legs crossed watching TV like nothing was happening. When he had his fill, he opened the door and stormed out the house. My aunty said the sight she beheld was the scariest to this day. It was that of her sister packing up the blood/foetus, almost lifeless into the Pottie beside the bed she kept for her toddler. His sister just looked over her shoulder and carried on minding her business.
My mother is arguably top 5 female theologian in the entire Nigeria but I bet none of you ever heard of her.
Dr Yosi Maton, daughter of one of the first Nigerian missionaries from Plateau state, Zakaria Tupshak Termen will later start experiencing job sabotage by her husband who would constantly threaten her, to this day that he’ll go and have them terminate her job if she didn’t behave, he tried severally but thankfully didn’t succeed but I guess this could be a contributing factor. My mother taught and trained a good number of bishops, Rev, governors, senators you name it but this man made sure he stunted her career, go to her colleagues houses and just bad mouth her unprovoked.
Mom got tired of all the embarrassment, tired of the slavery and decided she didn’t want to remain in that community anymore so we moved into Mr Apollos’ house which he was renting out prior then, I her words “I need to start saving for retirement”. This was in 2015, she was well into her 50s. Sometimes the salary that got to her account after deduction was just N60.00 so she was/is constantly in debt. She needed her kids to at least get proper education and a better chance at life.
We’ve tried severally, family meetings, interventions you name but to this day this man still get mind to still dey threaten momcy with beating – heck sometime in January 2022 shortly after I left my mom on a sick bed to return back to work, she and my immediate older brother were praying in her room, apparently there was some drama Mr Apollos started earlier in the day and one of their prayer items was “Lord, touch his heart and if it is a mental problem Lord, heal his mind”, unknowing to them he was eavesdropping at the door and he just barges in trying to pounce on her, in her very frail state.
He had called each of us kids earlier and individually to tell us to tell our mother to return to the room they once shared or to pack out and leave his house. He of course didn’t get the response he wanted so now he’s trying to throw all of us out the house he still doesn’t pay a single bill in lol.
I AM SO SO SO SORRY MOMMY FOR NOT HONORING YOUR WISHES, I HOPE YOU WILL EVENTUALLY FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE ME BECAUSE I REFUSE TO LOSE YOU AND I REFUSE TO LET THE DEVIL TAKE AWAY THE ONLY PARENT MY CHILD HAS – ME.
Why am I writing this without my mother’s blessing or any of my brothers or anybody at all is because I am too sensitive. It is a blessing and a curse and if my mom isn’t free, I may die untimely. Lately I developed a breathing problem which may or may not be a fault in my heart and it was the day my mother sent me this message attached below.
I laid sleepless with my heart breaking over and over again. I called her I think the next day or so and I was like why not just divorce him? The excuse first “I don’t want to bring shame to my father’s house”, then “I don’t want my children to suffer” and then now “All of my sacrifices would’ve been in vain because I will lose my Job and no one will ever hire me again” and I have since sank into an endless void, my blood pressure is through the roof and I may or may not have gotten a heart condition now so this is my hail Mary. Please help me tag as many international and national colleges/universities/tertiary institutions who will open their doors to my mom. Please help, anybody.”